Loosening the grip.

My father used to ride motorcycles, but sold them a few years ago.  All but one.

I remember the phone call.  My dad told me he would like to offer the bike to Marcus.  He asked me how I felt about that, although he already knew.  I told him to call Marcus and ask him how he felt about it.  You can guess how Marcus felt.

The bike has sat in our garage for 3 years, and Marcus finally took motorcycle school last month.  His maiden voyage was a couple weeks ago.  I have had many people, especially women, ask me how I feel about it, although I think they already know.

In case you don’t know me well, or think I’m going through a midlife crisis and want to be a biker babe, I will state my feelings for the record:  I am not excited about my husband riding a motorcycle.

However, I don’t have to like it.  And God can use this to give me an opportunity to relinquish control.

I recall telling a young wife that her husband needed to wear the pants in the family.  She may think she makes better decisions sometimes, but she really needed to respect him, and not undermine his leadership in small ways she may not even notice.  You know.  Those little sarcastic remarks we make, either alone or in front of a group.  We may think we’re making light of a situation, but everyone looks a bit uncomfortable after we open our mouths.  This does not mean you never offer your opinion; you just don’t offer it 50 times.  When it comes down to the actual decision and it doesn’t go the way you had hoped, you need to let it go.

Why should we strive to love and honor our husband?  Because when we submit to him, we are putting ourselves under God’s authority.  When I was a young wife, an older woman discipled me and taught me this,  and it has been invaluable.  I am not talking about a wife in an abusive situation, but the everyday lives we live with our spouses, and the needs and wants we have that our husbands just don’t seem to be meeting.

Why does he want to to that with our money? 

Why doesn’t he appreciate me? 

Why did he tell the kids they could do that?

As for me, I want as safe and comfortable a life as possible.  God and Marcus don’t seem to think this is always their top priority.  My idea of biking is with a pedal bicycle with a comfort seat, and Marcus’ is with a big Harley.  I have to wonder that if I forced Marcus into my safe and comfortable box all the time, would it emasculate him somehow?  I’m not sure.  But he does seem to be a happier husband and a refreshed man when he gets a dose of hunting or horsepower.

Now this one is going WAY out there.  But I’m going there anyway, because we naturally go there, but we never finish.

During a Beth Moore study of Esther last year, she talked about fear.  She was worried about her husband having an affair, and she was a wreck.  Finally God forced her hand, and she started the “What if” game, but with a twist.  I will give my own example:

The what if:  Marcus has a fatal accident.

Then:  I would be broken.

Then what?  I would have to plan the funeral.  Then I would have to sell off his equipment.  I would sell the house.  I would look for a job.  I would find a place in town.  I would put the kids in school full time.  I would still grieve, but time would bring a lessening of the pain.  This would be an enormous upheaval and trauma for our family, but there would always be one constant:  God would be there,  consoling me, carrying me and guiding me through it.  Anything I may have been going to instead of Him would be stripped away, and it would just be Him and me.

We tend to be controlling when we face fear, because our fears make us face the fact we don’t have control.  Perfect love casts out fear, and no one has perfect love but God.  When we recognize this love for us, it can cast down those fears that grip our hearts.  So although I don’t recommend letting your mind wander when you are faced with a fearful situation, let your mind fix upon the One who loves you perfectly, and how he will continue to be faithful and show his love for you to the end of all things.  What did Corrie Ten boom say in The Hiding Place?

There is no pit so deep, that God’s love is not deeper still.

So even if my opinion of motorcycles remains unchanged, if God can loosen my grip on my own fears and controlling ways…I’m in.