2008 September « Burdenofglory’s Weblog

The Pendulum

September 29, 2008 at 12:22 pm (Children, Personal reflection)
Tags: Children, homeschooling

I have observed this in other Christians, but am mostly writing about my own experience. I am not sure if this is universal, or if unique circumstances bring it about.

When I had Ashley, I slowly turned from my path of destruction, and turned towards the light. I wish this turning would have been quicker, as I had some entrenched sin in my life, and it took some time to climb out. But eventually God sloughed my old hide, and put on my new self in Christ. Perhaps new Christians mistake their sin for THE WORLD. I needed to repent for my behavior, but it was difficult when my behavior was intricately woven into worldly things.

By the time Katherine was a tot, I continued my retreat from the world, and especially its culture. We watched less and less TV during the day, didn’t listen to any music but classical, started some heavy little-person character training, and then came Growing Kids God’s Way.

I didn’t just see this as a paradigm for parenting, as I do now, but a way of life. First-time obedience. A child-raising plan that works. I didn’t have to fear my kids would have the same problems I had, because this plan would almost guarantee not only obedient, God-fearing kids, but Godly adults. Part of my immature, judgmental brain started looking around at other people’s kids. Too bad they don’t do Growing Kids, I’d say to myself. That child wouldn’t be having a temper tantrum right now.

Then I decided to homeschool Ashley. She was too young for kindergarten, so I poured over homeschool curriculum guides, and went at it. We just kept doing it – it was never a definite plan for our family in the beginning. But it became a big deal. I realize now that there is a definite homeschooling culture, a culture that is not always compassionate about the public school system or its students. But THEN I thought I was protecting my kids from the world once again, helping them on the path to righteousness. I am not knocking protecting our kids and helping them on the right path. But missing from this equation is a few big items: Loving your neighbor. Humbleness. Unity.

God had mercy on my small soul, and chipped away at my Growing-Kids-Homeschool-Cures-All thinking.

After watching Star Wars with Uncle Justin, Ashley decided she was going to be a famous actress, expressly to work with Harrison Ford, but I think it was really Han Solo that motivated her. That was all-consuming for a while, until she changed her mind and wanted to become a rock star. This was not part of my Growing Kids plan.

Ashley also started bucking my classical music standard. She really wanted to listen to all sorts of rock music, and didn’t agree that it is all from the devil. Her friends kept giving her recommendations, and I became more perplexed. I must admit that NOW I like most of the music her friends recommended. But then I thought we were all going to hell in a handbasket. Disclaimer: I don’t think all music is beneficial, and some of it is obviously horrific. However, due to God’s common grace, many non-Christians are very gifted, and write some pretty good tunes.

I remember vividly when rock music, on my part, turned the corner. The first time I heard Beautiful Day by U2(one of my pre-Christian favorite bands) was at the half-time show for the 2001 Superbowl. What a great song. I had to buy the CD, and on cleaning day the girls and I vacuumed, dusted, and jammed with U2. Marcus had never agreed with my aversion to worldly music, and occasionally listened to Ratt(eeeeek) while wrenching on his old Chevelle. There are some things I still can’t abide. “Round and round. Love will find a way, just give it time.” Why do I remember the words to all these awful songs?

My next big awakening was Rebecca. I applied all my Growing Kids knowledge on her, to no avail. It didn’t take. She just didn’t buy into first-time obedience. The behavior I previously judged was occurring daily in my own home, under my watch. Rebecca has put me into more embarrassing situations than I can shake a stick at. Bless her for it, for I didn’t have a measuring stick to measure others any longer. God is good.

God also gave me some friends who had very different views on the world, culture, and the like. I really liked and respected them, and they really had hearts committed to the Lord. I must admit this was a very confusing time, as I would have a conversation with my different-viewed friends, and then have a much different conversation with my more traditional?(cannot think of a good description here) friends. I finally figured out I could respect both of their opinions, but God had a unique plan for me and my family.

Where am I now? I definitely think parents have the right to decide what is best for their own children, and homeschooling is a calling. However, to a young homeschool family I would give this advice: make sure you teach your kids and yourselves a healthy dose of compassion for the lost, grace for other Christian’s views, and how to be Christ’s hands and feet in a hurting world. Love your neighbors, ALL of them. Do not raise self-righteous children who look down on others. Homeschooling is a choice, not the cure-all for every family. Christians should promote unity in the Body, never tear it down.

Why do we homeschool now? That is another whole blog. But I would say my reasons have changed. Fear of the exposure to evil my kids would experience in public school was at the top of my old list. I would be lying to say this still doesn’t play a part. However, flexibility is a big one now. They can slow down if they don’t understand something. We can change curricula if we don’t like what we’re doing. I also feel blessed that I can alter our schedules to do ministry together as a family. The girls can work for Marcus in the shop. Relationship and the time I spend with my kids is another one. Terri Summerlin stated it well at a schooling forum: “It (their childhood) goes too fast.”

What about Growing Kids? It is a great paradigm, especially for someone with no clue how to parent like I was. My sinful heart made it a problem. However, with anything we read, besides the Bible, you have to take the good, and throw away the bad. Gary Ezzo isn’t God. We must guard our hearts from becoming self-righteous, unless God blesses us with a child who brings us to our knees, instead of to the manual.

What now? The pendulum keeps swinging. God has graciously shown me so much, but there is so much left to be revealed. For me, the last year with my oldest child has centered around “‘Everything is permissible,’ but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible’ -but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.” 1Cornithians 10:23-24

Drinking isn’t evil, but how do we handle it so it is beneficial to ourselves, and all the brothers around us? How are we to be in the world, but not of it? Does all our focus on being relevant to the culture make our convictions in Christ fuzzy? How do we stand up humbly and lovingly for the Truth without being judgmental or self-righteous? How do I minister to the different people I’m called to love? How are my girls supposed to look at their Christian brothers? Especially the cute ones? Mama mia. Jesus come soon.

I must say I am glad to be where I’m at. I know I don’t have it all figured out, but must rely on faith, prayer, and community to get through this life. Thinking you have the magic formula just incites unpleasant character qualities I would rather not struggle with. So if you have a question about something, don’t ask me. Because I am the first one to say, “I don’t know.”

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Pheasantennial

September 20, 2008 at 3:31 am (Uncategorized)

Did you know the Chinese Ring-necked Pheasant has been in South Dakota for 100 years? Me either, until Marcus received a post card from South Dakota announcing this. The postcard states: ROOSTER! Less Than Eight Weeks Away!

I love fall, but not like Marcus. Marcus doesn’t take off work for much, but he does for hunting. One long weekend in South Dakota, and one short weekend. But mostly he hunts around here. Marcus knows most of the farmers in our area, and calls them about this time of year to ask permission to hunt on their ground.

Marcus always enjoyed the Westminster Catechism question about how man is supposed to have dominion over the animals. He always made sure the girls knew this referred to pheasant hunting. I can’t say I fully understand why Marcus loves hunting so much. But I do know he loves walking in the fields in the fall. He loves working with a good hunting dog. He loves our Midwest sunsets after a day in the field. He loves the camaraderie with the other hunters. And he really loves coming home with a bird, or a great story about how Tobey got his limit right before they had to quit for the day, and they had been skunked until this one last slough. Or how his daughter kept right up with the guys. She was probably the only one who accessorized that day, though I’m not sure which pair of earrings went with hunter orange.

Speaking of hunting, the trap shoot and game feed last weekend was a hit. About 50 guys showed up even with the British-like weather. They put an awning up over the shooting range, to keep everyone dry.

It is impossible to tell how many shells were shot up, but our estimate was high.All the guys seemed to enjoy the gamey food, even though many wondered exactly what they were eating. Howard Huffman brought marinated deer roasts with gravy and deer chili. Roger Steinmeyer brought deer burgers and deer steak. Jeff Downing brought burn-your-tongue-raw hot deer sausage. He had given us some earlier, so I knew better than to try it again. The package doesn’t indicate it is hot, and I served it to some visiting kids. We all spit it out as soon as we tried it. Thanks, Jeff.

Marcus made his famous marinaded, bacon-wrapped grilled pheasant. If you haven’t noticed, the key to eating game is to make it taste like something else.

I have come to the conclusion that I don’t have to like hunting or pheasant to appreciate the joy it brings to others. I will celebrate the Pheasantennial at home, by the fire, this winter.

Fifteen

September 20, 2008 at 2:25 am (Children)

Katherine is 15 today. Shocking. How did this happen?When did she start borrowing Ashley’s stock of plate-sized earrings and instead of looking goofy, looking good? Really good?

When I look at Katherine, I see this.

Or this.

But certainly not this.By the way, Kelsey is wearing a shirt that says “1987″, which is the year I graduated from high school. Now I’m vintage. If you live long enough, do you become cool again? Just like bell-bottoms or the Six Million Dollar Man sunglasses? They are “aviators” now, but back then I just knew Steve Austin wore them, and I truly loved Steve with all my heart, and never missed an episode.

I digress. Happy birthday, Katherine. Even though you have a 24-hour bug and we cancelled your party, and I forgot your birth certificate so we couldn’t get your learner’s permit. I’m sorry. I love you, and look forward to the woman you are becoming, even if I do longingly look back to your little girlhood.

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Is it worth it?

September 15, 2008 at 1:52 am (Uncategorized)

We took Fluffy in when tomcats threatened him off his home place. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks it is worth the generic catfood we toss in his bowl occasionally. You see, Rebecca is supposed to be in charge of feeding him so she learns responsibility. Which translates: if I forget to tell her to feed him, he goes hungry.

The girls do not forget to pick him up, pester him, prod him, poke him, etc. Last week Maddie used him as an accessory.

Maddie and Rebecca’s new pasttime is skateboarding with Fluffy. He is getting used to it, and may even sleep through it sometimes. They sit on the skateboard, plop Fluffy on their laps, and push themselves back and forth across the deck. I don’t know why. I will keep you posted on what they think of next.

God’s hand

September 14, 2008 at 6:20 pm (Children)

I held Baby Finley this morning. She is a little button, only in the 5 pound range. I wasn’t expecting to hold her, but her mommy offered. My breath caught in my throat when I looked at her.

God displays Himself to us in different ways. For me, I see the hand of God in a baby. In the tiny little face, the perfect toes, the smell – it all points to a loving, compassionate Creator, who delights in every detail of those He makes in His image. When I see a baby, my faith soars. I have no doubt God exists.

I prayed for this little baby for months. When I see the answer to prayer wrapped in a perfect package, I feel like God is giving us a glimpse of eternity. Just a peek. My heart is full. Thanks, Finley, for being so wondrous. Thanks, Chelsey, for letting me hold her. And thank you, Lord, for showing yourself to me through this little miracle today.

Where have I been?

September 6, 2008 at 2:54 pm (Personal reflection)

Don’t you love how Bono says “been” like “bean?”

I was telling JR how much I liked blogging this summer, and how I would miss it when school started. He told me if I was in the habit of writing, I wouldn’t stop. But I did.

It wasn’t just that my available time during the day was cut substantially when school resumed, but my focus is completely askew. I haven’t had a coherent thought to write about.

This blog will be like when someone asks you what you’ve been up to, and you stare at them blankly, not even remembering what you did the previous day. However, I’ll try to scrape up some thoughts of the last couple weeks.

First thought: School, of course. Kate is in 10th grade, Maddie in 7th, and Rebecca in 3rd. Rebecca was horrified the first week about the amount of reading she had to do, but she has slowly gotten used to it and doesn’t balk as much. I still have to listen to chapters and more chapters per day, as she gets in the groove. But she is doing well. Pretty soon I’ll only have to help with the really hard words.

Maddie is taking 3 classes at a COOP this year, and is trying to learn how to organize her time better, and understand other teachers’ directions. This is a challenge for both of us, but she is making progress, too.

Kate tackles it all. On our bike ride last night, I asked her what her favorite subject was, and she responded, “All of them.” She rises to every challenge, and loves the sense of accomplishment when she conquers a daunting task. I am so very glad.

Ash starts the academic transfer program at SCC October 2nd, so she is definitely enjoying her last month of freedom, except for working for the Big Guy.

Second thought: Speaking of Ashley’s free time, she has went to four Reformed University Fellowship events so far – all of them, I believe. She loves it. I include this in what I’ve been doing because after the events she tells me every detail, and that takes some time. I want to go. I haven’t felt the urge to go back to school lately, as I used to, but now I would go back for RUF. The students involved are an eclectic group who all love the Lord, and I am so grateful Ashley gets to learn about God, herself, and others in this context.

Ashley also met a grad student from Zimbabwe named Trevor at the Everett Festival a couple weeks ago. He asked her to coffee, she said no thanks, but then she invited him to RUF. He made it this week, and several students who have done mission trips in Africa were thrilled to meet him. Steve also laid out the Gospel unmistakeably this night. Pray that Trevor would realize he has a Savior. Amen.

Ashley was also invited to her first “college” party at the Colonel Mustard house. The theme is the Oregon Trail. Can I go too? Can someone tell me what a clove cigarette is first? Do they make anise or fennel ones?

Third thought. I’ve been praying. Marcus’ aunt and cousin have both been hit with cancer again, when they had both been miraculously healed about 2 years ago. Aunt Jo has cancerous spots on her lungs too numerous to count, and his cousin had lung cancer also, even though she is our age and has 5 children(including triplets.) Enough to bring you to your knees. We are going to Kearney to visit his aunt next weekend.

Fourth thought: Running. Ash was my back-up driver last year, and she isn’t available this year, and she isn’t going to the same places as the younger girls either. How inconvenient of her. I think the description “Soccer Mom” is an understatement, but if you put all the stuff a mom ran her kids to in front of mom, no one would have time to say it. Babysitting-slumber party-piano-guitar-clothes-school supplies-library-COOP-soccer mom doesn’t flow too easily. So soccer mom it shall be.

Fifth thought: Reading. I read The Road From Home, which is a children’s book about the Armenian massacre in Turkey in the early 1900’s. Heart-wrenching and important. It is for Kate’s 20th Century World History class. A quote from the front sums up why we need to remember:

“August 22, 1939. – I have given orders to my Death Units to exterminate without mercy or pity men, women, and children belonging to the Polish-speaking race. It is only in this manner that we can acquire the vital territory which we need. After all, who remembers today the extermination of the Armenians?” – Adolph Hitler

I just picked up Little Heathens by Mildred Armstrong Kalish from the library. It is about “Hard times and high spirits on an Iowa farm during the Great Depression.” It is a gem.

Sixth thought: Canning, canning, canning. When we returned from vacation, we canned 21 quarts of salsa. Since then we’ve canned spaghetti sauce, just plain tomatoes, and a vat of applesauce. Remember the movie Baby Boom with Diane Keaton? As Maddie displays here, swim goggles aid in tear-free onion cutting. I have just as many golden delicious apples to engage, and tomatoes are threatening to take over the laundry room. There are grapes hanging in the arbor, which makes good feasting for the birds. I really don’t know if I want grape jelly this year. Do I?